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I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
Josh: QUESTION FOR EVERYONE.... SecureXeC: IT'S TO THE LEFT OF YOUR 'A' KEY.
HEY EURAKARTE INSULT RETORT COUNTER-RETORT QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM RIPOSTE ADDON RIPOSTE COUNTER-RIPOSTE COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS
hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
get up get on up get up get on up and DANCE * nmp3bot dances :D-< * nmp3bot dances :D|-< * nmp3bot dances :D/-< i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say... BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES BlackAdder> IN FACT BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG *** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.* *** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( ) t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right CRCError> right heartless> Right. r3v> right
hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars ********* see! hunter2 doesnt look like stars to me ******* thats what I see oh, really? Absolutely you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 haha, does that look funny to you? lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ******* thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* awesome! wait, how do you know my pw? er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw oh, ok.
YOU ALL SUCK DICK er. hi. A common typo. the keys are like right next to each other.
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh What'd he say when he woke up this morning? uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you? holy fuck. i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now im fucking going back to the beach to make sure if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit. quit: (DeadMansHand) wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP) fucking ken ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you. oh fuck. if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything. quit: (PeteRepeat) rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach. i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
Hey, you know what sucks? vaccuums Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? black holes Hey, you know what just isn't cool? lava?
oh man I was opening a coke, right -->Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind and it exploded ALMOST all over my keyboard but I got it away just in time <--Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers) :<
* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm being an asshole - HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
d-_-b how u make that inverted b? wait never mind
what should I give sister for unzipping? Um. Ten bucks? no I mean like, WinZip?
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book Let's see the results... "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to. "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. " Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!" The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils. He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue. He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them. Ok I have found, definitive proof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want …
: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours. : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly. : Where u work? : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com *** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)
man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert you don't live in Hope mills do you? ya, why man? lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson? you mother fucker
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me GarbageStan23: why? Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire! GarbageStan23: oh shit! Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!! try pressing the the Caps Lock key O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!! fuck me
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****. bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. bloodninja: Baby? -------------- BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready? eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready. BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee. eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies. BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you. BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique. eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again. eminemBNJA: Oh **** BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your IS…
lol I download something from Napster And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you" "getting my song back fucker"
*** Now talking in #christian -Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info !kjv numbers 22:21 Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV) *** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au *** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear) I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
the "bishop" came to our church today he was a fucken impostor never once moved diagonally
Im going to be the next hitler Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown why the clown See? no one cares about the jews lmao
my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed ouch. yeah.i sent them to her dad
I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too. Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org? I'll fucking KILL YOU! ! Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right? Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life. Don't worry, I won't post it. [Privmsg] Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org? [Privmsg] the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!! [Privmsg] hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him. [Privmsg] yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;) [Privmsg] You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you. [Privmsg] I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu . [Privmsg] *phew* spose you have a point
hey baby, whats up? umm....nothing? So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck? Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter? Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't." That's only 2 types of people, kow. STUPID
Ouroboros: lets play Pong Ok. | . . | | . . | | . | . Whoops
Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z wait, shit
I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest... One of these...has a future. LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak? *** AgentSmith sets mode: +m
Hey Mike what? Pussy. er? Pussy. and? Pussy. ... Pussy. i dont get it AND YOU NEVER WILL. bastard
*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud' * Anubis has joined #doghouse what fraud? You haven't heard about it? no? You can read the full story at http://www.tubgirl.com omg wtf! *** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'
1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat The girl started crying and left class ^^
what does your robot do, sam it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls
don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it ... what? oh shit don't you hate it when you DROP shit
someone speak python here? HHHHHSSSSSHSSS SSSSS the programming language
docsigma2000: jesus christ man docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead c8info: Why? docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour. docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for??? docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it. docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites. docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance. ** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?! glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar! Who me?! Yes you! Couldn't be! Then WHO?!! Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar! *** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)
i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke so i helped him walk to the toilet all the stalls were occupied lol bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open and there's this guy in there taking a shit hahahahahaha and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first' so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face and runs away imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER
SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary *SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser? I am spartacus no im spartacus I am spartacus Im spartacus ur all freaks thats what u r
67% of girls are stupid i belong with the other 13%
I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.
Now, Im sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, heres the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shits teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming SHIT! SHIT!. Now, my good friend, Tom well call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDNT GET IT! FUCK!. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Heres the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and Im Im FUCKING HIV POSITIVE. And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isnt defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now ........... TMI TMI TMI Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing Thanks for the info eh? damn i meant PAID I get PAID today dammit
once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404. *cries*, scary....
women ask for it they act all old and mature and then you stick your cock up their ass and they get all bitchy "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
I swear to god I've just heard a duck tell a joke o...k there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental it looked just like duck stand-up comedy
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hahahahaha some girl just came onto our floor and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper" i just asked her what the paper was about and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism bahahahaha
so my dad found my porn folder and he was getting all pissed so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know" "i know dad" "what do you have to say for yourself?" at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes" and he just shut up what is it? its his porn folder
so many fucking criminals, its bullshit heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?" whatd u think they'd say? something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
what the fuck is wtf
just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc * luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven) * r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven) * sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven) * phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven) * blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven) that's gotta hurt :(
Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot? Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession Kk I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot ? Now what? Don't worry. It's done
The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home. So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car. We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot.. The logic is all there... I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off.. So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice. The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted. So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red. I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off. He didn't even notice the smell of pot. We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.
I should bomb something ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats. *** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe We saw it anyway. *** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )
Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c. rapc? ... Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end oic Though you could also say it's missing an e wtf is erap? * Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall
i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals??? Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.
I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
I tried setting my hotmail password to penis. It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance" IronChef Foicite: but a potato! IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol IronChef Foicite: but there's more! IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it! IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you" IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"
"The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt. oops wrong window what the FUCK
AFK, tornado
I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING." And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer and run like hell
Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant Right click.
Thank you for listening to me. You know your a really good listener. Sweety please say something. Ok I'm back.
at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4
damn FUCK DAMN i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up FUCK i go like this to her "i want to suck on your clit" FUCK
Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken. well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
can you help me install GTA3? first, shut down all programs you aren't using frank has quit IRC. (Quit) ...
My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG! Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??" And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online. I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch. ... now theres a quote for bash.org Don't you fucking dare.
we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator ew. wait, you "caught" him? like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store? he doesnt answer *** Quits: calin (No route to host)
whats the complement to a 43 degree angle? My you're looking "acute" today fuck you
I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :( ... I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door. Oh well, time to buy new strings.
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome MaroonSand: no its not dude
some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back and can reload from there if i die she was confused
God i really cant stand windows me heh i know. i moved to win2k * Felacio sucks huge cock errr ME, not /me
omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT he shot his girlfriend?
lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it haha mendo take a screen shot wait that made no sense
Woah, I got the weirdest moment of my entire life this morning what happened? you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last night yeah, you've been fucking drunk.. you've been there, too? sure... well, you see i can't remember anything but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was my mom lying next to me. wtf...? That's exactly what i thought So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she left the room OMFG!!! you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!! no, i'm not lying OMG!!! but it turned out she was playing a trick on me. Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk. ... your mom's such a freak. o.O
gentoogod: omg dude gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today siral21: what was it gentoogod: ok before i say this gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted
we ain't here to do e-c-e we're here to do c-s-e on the w-e-b listen to me spit these rhymes while i program lines and commit web accessibility crimes word, son You talk like your big on these I-Net kicks, But your shit flows slower than a two-eighty-six. I'm tracking down hosts and nmap scans, While Code Igniter's got you wringing your hands. Cut the crap rap, Or I'll run ettercap, Grab your AIM chat, N' send a PC bitch-slap! peace you're talkin bout down hosts and nmap scans while i got other plans you're at your new job, but you can't even do it right you just create a plight with your http rewrites i've been on the web since the age of three you just got on directly off the bus from mississippi respect yo' elders, bitch You've been webbin' since three, but still ain't grown up, Gotta update your config and send the brain a SIGHUP. You say you're that old? No wonder you're slow! You're knocking at the door while I run this show! Elders my ass, you're shit's still in school, Hunt and pecking at the keyboard like a spaghetti-damned fool, Rim-riffing your hard drive like a tool, Face it. I rule. i erase my harddrives with magnets (bitch) all you can do is troll on the fagnets and son, my brain's wrapped in a nohup it wont be hurt by the words you throwup dont mind me while i emerge my ownage while you're still over there apt-getting your porridge you say i'm still in school but the fact is that i know the rule cuz you need to go back to grade three and you better plea, that they take sucky graduates from c-s-e Time to bend over and apply a patch, Your brain's throwing static like a CD with a scratch. Your connection got nuked and you've met your match. You run a single process like a VAX with a batch. I'd pass the torch to a real winner But it'd just scorch a while-loop spinner Caught in a loop that you cant escape, I run clock cycles around your words and flows, Cuz your rhyme is like a PS fan: it' blows, Your water-cooled lyrics leak and it shows, Take your ass back to alt.paid.for.windows. Good god, I can't ev…
which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen? Neither. Because it's twelve.
My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating So she calls me a pervert again?!? there is no justice in the world...
we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph flew past a trooper on the side of the road trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us we decided to be good and stop cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell walks up to the side of the car and goes "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE" Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license cop's jaw hits the fucking ground most stunned face I've ever fucking seen in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here" no ticket... too embarassed apparently I'll never forget that day long as I live I was sure we were goin to jail
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure... In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant
yeh but chinese for dinner.. Peking Dick FTW ... LOL omg here we go Can you say bash.org? why? so it can join the other 1 million quotes of random people saying 'i love wang.. oops typo, i meant computers. Screw this If i'm getting quoted I'm getting my moneys worth: MONTY PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE QUOTE OMFG my naked sister just ran into my room and before I could sex her she set fire/other means of destruction to my room but because Im a total geek it doesnt occur to me to get of irc and fix it. I instead enter a conversation on computers: OMG MY COMPUTER HAS GOT A VIRUS! OH WAIT NO, ITS WINDOWS/LINUX/MAC/NORTON/AOL. Now for the obligatory Windows ME insult where the name of the product is mistaken for a pronoun for myself: ME SO GAY! WHOOPS IT LOOKS LIKE THE INTENDED PURPOSE OF THAT STATEMENT WAS TO HIGHLIGHT MY OWN HOMOSEXUALITY WHEREAS I MEANT IT TO BE THE HOMOSEXUALITY OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM! HOW EMBARASSING! Now for the topic of sex: I HAVE A GF.. AND BY GF I OF COURSE MEAN A GFORCE 20MB 3.45 SYSTEM RETRO POWER MAX SUPERMAN RAPING COMPUTER STICK! Furthermore, I make a comment as to the worth of sex but comment of my lack of sexual activity. Hmm I'm forgetting the most impostant part! The lack of social interaction! OMG I just opened my blinds and the sunlight burnt and I saw this guy with a swollen chest and I was like WTF and my dad says 'thats called a girl' im like WTF IS A GIRL then i went and downloaded 50GB of porn. Anyways, as I said before.. dinner.. brb o_o
The most secure computer in the world is one not connected to the internet. Thats why I recommend Telstra ADSL.
Your ignorance isn't helping. How am I ignorant? Do it again, do it right - Ooh great help *clap* *clap* http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=ignorant Maybe the word you were searching for was http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=arrogant ? yeah thats the one Your arrogance isn't helping, Neither is your ignorance
Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma? nope kool How well does it handle blacks I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work
he was dressed as a big fuckin devil like, HUGE costume 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head at some anime con in california they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel he's riding the elevator down to the con space doors open, little old baptist woman standing there he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
(Mootar) morons. (Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless (Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network (Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways (Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
why the fuck isn't my disc drive working i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working you got the right drivers? hell yes it was working fine yesterday why does this shit always happen to me? maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position i havent touched it since school i'm growing impatient ANGRY even throw that shit out tha window . . . OMG i fuckin did it!!! FUCK!!!!! it works? no, i threw it out the window the disk? NO the whole drive i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash* :D FUCK SHIT FUCK THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE brb . . . shit what? did ya break it? well i couldn't open the drive so i had to pound it against a rock :o quite HARD and you know what? that fucking disk wasnt even there ??? i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag lol I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE i'm actually cryin right now . . . wonder if i could make that drive work again brb
So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes to talk about diversity and racism and shit today prof's never met him.. in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us the prof's like...'are you... jeff?' he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin' then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit and says 'sorry I'm late' it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms
I love school Today our term paper due date's set Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member. So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" She waits for the laughs to die down and says: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"
If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody? i dont think so Wanna go camping?
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?" Primus521: lol Primus521: turns out he misheard him Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face Primus521: omfg Primus521: til the day i die Primus521: i will never forget it
JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care? Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob. JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me up Thilo: No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.
SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER. * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.) * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined # HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
Stupid fucking Google "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search
I think the people above me are having sex either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
..................................................................... .................................. where's pacman when you need him?
(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct? (alec_eso): 1, morganj (morganj): bastard.
random girl: hey! me: ...hi? me: who is this? random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace random girl: ur hot me: thanks random girl: np me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her me: what should I do? random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing me: oh alright me: I have to go me: my mom is kicking me off me: bye
There was a 23% drop in temperature. That's almost 25%! ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.
there's a small fire burning in my room lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes
i beat the internet the end guy is hard
Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT the Trix rabbit, for example I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY. fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit "silly rabbit Trix are for kids" Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed. FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more. and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid? I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him" NO. I'd be thinking "that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?" another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast" last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big not me I don't even EAT breakfast nomore I mean, I eat when I get up but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME" bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money don't give me that shit. Back to stupid cereal mascots... Lucky Charms. FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!? C'mon now, Lucky. I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches. "They're a…
: Best suicide plan ever : what is it? : you go up to the top of a roof : string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level : tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched : then you put super glue on your hands : and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head : then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows : when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere. : And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE. : i dont think i can be your friend anymore
a sprite is anything not static a sprite is a variable object be it 2d or 3d a sprite is a fucking soda you god damn geekass bastards
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